Personal Transformation.

Every time I think the ground is under my feet
it slips away.
I learned to be alone
yet I still get lonely.
I learned to ask for help
yet I’m still haunted by anxiety.
I learned to use my voice
yet I’m still worried of taking up too much space.
I learned to follow my heart
yet I still don’t know which dreams to chase.

I know I’ve changed
I’ve learned
I’ve grown.

I’m becoming more me everyday,
not that I ever was any less.

Just different I guess.

Personal transformation.
It can only be defined by you, for you.
It can be felt before, during, and after.
In prospect and retrospect.

The prompt stumped me.
I know I’m new
but I’m not.
The old things still haunt me.
But not all of them.
Does that suffice?
Is that enough?
Or is fooling myself into believing I’m better just my vice?

I moved on. A while ago. But then I wrote a song.
I accepted it. He’s gone. But I fooled myself into thinking I’d hear the familiar sound of questions and laughs.
I’m full, but I’m empty.
I’ve eaten but I’ve starved.
It’s dark but it’s light.

I found my people, but not my place.
The world is too big, too small, too much, too little.
Personal transformation.

Who am I now that I was not before?

Emily Nicole Garlock, 20 years old, 199 days, however many hours we are at today.

I think my biggest transformation is not big at all. It’s been gradual.

Time consuming.

Some things have taken years. Some things I’m still transforming. Some things I may never realize.

But today I am me. And that’s my personal transformation story.

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